New Movie Releases Reviewed in 7 Words Each
A Haunted House 2 - How can a merciful God allow this?
Bears - Even if it'll kill me, must hug.
Heaven Is For Real - OR, How I spent my summer vocation.
Transcendence - Depp finally becomes one with his hats.
Yeah... I have nothing to say about Heaven Is For Rizzle. I was tired of the story being told everywhere when it was a book. Now that it's a movie, nothing has changed.
Some of you may be wondering about Bears, so let me paint you a picture. Close your eyes and... Wait, okay, don't close your eyes, you have to read this. You can close your eyes afterwards, if you're tired or whatever. Actually, if you need a nap we'll just wait here for you and pick it up when you're refreshed. PAUSE................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................UNPAUSE. Feel better now? Good. So now let me cover Bears. Picture if you would an ensemble film like The Avengers, but instead featuring the likes of Winnie the Pooh, Paddington Bear, Corduroy Bear, Humphrey the Bear, all brought together to stop an evil force. If you will, Yogi and Booboo will be the Thor and Loki of the picture. The hero bears must come together to stop Booboo's evil plan of setting off the giant volcano that lays slumbering under Jellystone. It's a race against time for these heroes. Rated PG-13. Nice, huh? So, yeah, Bears is just a nature doc like you've probably already seen on TV several times.
What to say about A Haunted House 2? At least it's slightly more relevant than a Mrs. Doubtfire sequel? Seriously, what's the premise for that, his now grown up kids want nothing to do with him and won't let him see their own children, so he poses as Mrs. Doubtfire again, and takes up residence as a nanny, and they're all too stupid to remember it's him? *Breathe* Anyhoo, I never had any desire for the first Haunted House movie. This one seems equally disposable.
Think anyone's ever going to let Johnny Depp know he can break character now?
Yes, Transcendence is all sci-fi and creepy, and I'll probably watch it out of theaters, but I'm still tired of Johnny Depp. I said it last year that he needs to go away for awhile so I can like him again, but yet here we are, and he's refused to take my suggestion. Mind you, the movie itself could be interesting. The technology featured is creepily not too far off in the future. No word on whether the film is based on one of Ray Kurzweil's wet dreams. Certainly sounds that way.
*************On DVD*************
I watched Odd Thomas this past week, and now I'm bummed out that the whole distribution mess left the film shelved so long. Aside from some issues of pacing, I thought the movie was a lot of fun. I haven't read the Dean Koontz books so I can't say how close it skews to them, but the film is great. Left me wishing for a sequel with Anton Yelchin reprising his role. And more Willem Dafoe. His character was not given nearly enough screen time. At any rate it's worth a buck at redbox, so you should check it out.
I also finally watched Frozen. It was an okay film. I love the strong female characters it's presenting for girls, but overall I thought the film was sort of bland. I certainly don't get why it's been as huge as it has, nor do I understand why everyone loves the songs. I thought the music was the worst part of the film. No, wait, the snowman was. I don't think he could have been more annoying. But ultimately, it's for children, and as children are pretty annoying themselves, I guess it's a matter of like things attracting one another.
So what are your thoughts on this week's releases?
That's funny that Olaf is so polarizing. I thought he was hilarious.
ReplyDeleteTranscendence is getting panned by the critics. Think I'll stay home this Easter weekend.
I would Watch Your Version of Bears! Just don't make it Animated, use real bears and have their lips move.
ReplyDeleteI love your "Bears" fmovie idea!
ReplyDeleteI want to make a 'League Of Extraordinary Animals' movie with famous dogs and chimps and dolphins and horses from literature and film and TV forming an adventure series. Your "Bears" film fits into that nicely.
I like that a lot. Would the animals be able to communicate with humans? You could always use Mr. Ed as a translator. Would you want to make it kid friendly, or would you want it to be all these characters but in a more adult setting?
ReplyDeleteI think I'd make it teen-friendly (scary dangerous adventure). But no talking to humans, just as a level of separation that might justify the conceit; secret animal language.
ReplyDeleteI think that's probably a good choice. I do like the sound of it.
ReplyDeleteI always seem to catch these on Monday for some reason Tim. Frankly, if Bears was half as cool as your description I'd watch it, but I'll wait till DVD. I guess everyone else is tired of Depp too, because it's a huge bomb.
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