Letters To Superheroes: Issue #8 - Dear Fantastic 4

Mr. Richards and family,

Unfortunately, I must advise you of our decision to evict you and your "team" from the Baxter building. This decision was not arrived at easily as we understand that your number 4 logo is a prominent part of the attraction of the building.

The building's advisory board met to discuss many ongoing issues, including but not limited to the following: 

(1)Frequently visiting emergency vehicles due to Mr. Storm's many injured dates receiving burns (in places that we can't imagine any self respecting woman would even show to a man nicknamed THE HUMAN TORCH), (2)Constant need for floor remodeling (as well as ceiling renovation to the subsequent floors) due to Mr. Grimm's "heavy footed-ness" -not to mention the many broken door handles that seem to get broken because a man MADE OF ROCK doesn't seem to know his own strength, (3)Mr. Cassidy has expressed concerns over Mrs. Storm's ability to sneak in on him during his "naked backgammon" time (in all fairness, we don't quite understand this either), (4)Finally, your personal science experiments and the vendettas of your enemies have caused the building to time travel, be overtaken by aliens, and sink below ground to the realm of a terribly, awful smelling man, who very much resembles a mole. 

We do apologize that it wasn't able to work out and we do hope that you'll be able to find residence in an environment much more suited to your needs (might we suggest this "Savage Land" we've heard so much about.)

Sincerely,
Reginald Van Baxter

This week's letter was Guest Written by Stephen Galiher, comic book geek extraordinaire and occasional contributer. Follow Stephen on Twitter at @BetaRaySteve