I understand that you went into hiding a couple years back after all the advice columnists were being killed off by some unknown forces (and the food chain), but I desperately need some advice. Now that Dear Abby has left this world for the sweet hereafter, I don't know where else to go. About a week ago I "borrowed" my sister's wedding dress for a costume party. Safe to say you can cross some guy barfing on me, off my bucket list. I tired cleaning it soda water and bleach but that didn't seem to help. Plus I used too much bleach and as a result, there are some small holes in the lace. What should I do? Her wedding is in two days, I don't have money for a new dress, and if I did, it was a designer. Should I just be honest with her?
Sincerely,
Wedding Blues in Minneapolis
Dear Blues,
It is true that cow and I went into hiding years back when we noticed the life expectancy as columnist was 3 posts. I am however writing from a safe location. Reading of your plight has roused in me the desire to help people once again, and for that I am grateful to you. Now to your problem; run. Run as fast as you can. Run like your life depen- No, let me rephrase, your life depends on it. Cause even though you're sisters, a bride will kill you.
Sincerely,
Marty the Moth
P.S. I'm not in anyway joking. Leave this moment.
Good advice.
ReplyDeleteNo other choice...Bridezilla is coming!!
ReplyDeleteYou're dead if you don't run.
ReplyDeleteThe moth is obviously a sage as well.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't rust the advice of that moth. His advice landed me in jail for 3 months. I put a hit out on him and that cow.
ReplyDeleteThat is great advice and should be followed. A crossed or unhappy bride is a scary thing. They also have a memory longer than an elephant...
ReplyDeleteIs Marty real? If so, can you not tell him I exist? Don't want him looking me up. Dude seems scary.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretending Marty doesn't have wings, he's wearing a jet pack. That's one BA moth.
ReplyDelete