Fact:
Somewhere in the world right now, there's a person listening to "The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades" and thinking it was written for them.
Fact:
If a person witnesses something horrifying, their hair can turn white instantly. People's hair also turns white slowly as you get older. Aging is the process of slowly being horrified.
Fact:
When you tell a parent their baby is cute, and they say "thank you," they're taking it as a personal compliment which is tantamount to saying, "thank you for appreciating the sex I had with my partner. We made this." Which is weird. That's why if I see a baby I just point at the child and say a very nondescript "baby".
Fact:
The furthest point you could walk away from yourself, is right behind you. So you can never truly "get away".
Fact:
Right about now, you're scratching your head at the 95% illogicality of the last fact, but willing to ride with it for the 5% you can't rule out. Welcome to my world, population, 1.*
*Based on a recent census taken of the known regions of TS-3-140, a fantastical planet existing with the confines of my brain.
*Based on a recent census taken of the known regions of TS-3-140, a fantastical planet existing with the confines of my brain.
Those are good! Most babies ARE NOT cute anyway. So why does everyone feel the need to say that to the parents?
ReplyDeleteMy wife often tells me that I live in my own little world...
I think you just found a new regular feature for TNR. This is fantastic...and of course, terrifying.
ReplyDeleteThose are hilarious! I agree with Pat about babies. And now I know why my hair is turning grey...
ReplyDeleteLMAO! Thanks for making me laugh! So I'm slowly being horrified? hehehe
ReplyDeletexD That was wonderful.
ReplyDeletePS... my grandma's the one listening to that song right now :l
So if I witness something unhorrifying then my hair will darken right?? Like say a cute baby??
ReplyDeleteLove it!
ReplyDeleteOMG can I quote you? "slowly being horrified"--most original and funny snippet I've seen in awhile!
ReplyDeleteI always thought it's stupid and arrogant of people to say "Thank you" when people compliment their baby. Now, I'll point and smirk, "baby!" I like it. Thanks. And I find that last fact more scary than confusing. It actually makes sense.
ReplyDeletexoRobyn
I thought I knew all the facts. About everything. Wow, was I wrong. I think I'll make you my leading source of information from now on.
ReplyDeleteDo you happen to know why a raven is like a writing desk? And what's the population of TS-3-140?
I may have to adopt the habit of pointing at a baby and saying, "baby."
ReplyDelete