Results of Round 1:
The last round ended up being as close as I assumed it be. Some voters really responded to Jeff's message of be who you are, while some felt that that shouldn't include the eating of opponent's offspring. In the end you can chalk it up to survival of the fittest, with Jeff biting and clawing his way into the final round.
Semi-Finals Round 2:
So here we are at the penultimate battle for supremacy. Once again, this round is about getting to know the dinosaurs on their down time. When all the politics are put to bed, and it's just them and their family.
TNR: Welcome Pry Merry.
Merry: Thanks for having me.
TNR: Now we all know that Ankylosaurus was the Armadillo of its day. With the smaller, cuter version of you roaming around the south, where do you see your place in this world?
Merry: Don't you think that question's a little rude?
TNR: Yes.
Merry: ...
TNR: ...
Merry: Armadillos carry leprosy and plague. I do not.
TNR: Fair enough. When you're not trying to legislate for the good of the world, what do you enjoy doing?
Merry: I run marathons for charity.
TNR: Really? That must be heavy under all that armor. Do you have any sponsors?
Merry: Under Armour.
TNR: I just mean your plating. Must be heavy. Now do you have any sponsors?
Merry: Under Armour...
TNR: Yes, we've covered that. The question was regarding sponsors.
Merry: Under Armour!
TNR: I don't what you're getting so defensive about. I didn't mean anything by the comment. Do you run with humans or other dinosaurs?
Merry: Other Ankylosaurus primarily. Across grasslands, as we're too wide to safely race down streets.
TNR: Sounds like a wonderful endeavor. And hey, hang in there, I'm sure you'll get a sponsor.
Merry: It's. Under. Armour. You idiot.
TNR: Yee-aaah... Someone who's willing to overlook that temper. Pry Merry, thank you for your time.
TNR: Mr. Phil A. Buster, it's a pleasure.
Buster: The pleasure's all yours.
TNR: Was that a joke or are you really not happy to be here?
Buster: Joke.
TNR: Ah. They warned me about that sense of humor of yours.
Buster: It's hard for me to turn it off. Here's one for you, how can you tell if a Stegosaurus is in your fridge?
TNR: How?
Buster: The fridge door won't close!
TNR: Haha, that's delightful.
Buster: One of a million I got.
TNR: Is comedy something you've considered if politics doesn't work out?
Buster: Yes. I actually spent some time with a comedy troop after college. We'd do all these great slapstick sketches. Critics started calling me Phil A. Buster Keaton.
TNR: That's just great. I do have to ask you a hard hitting question now, just to be be sure there's no prejudice.
Buster: My life is an open book.
TNR: Is it or isn't true that on May 13th, 2003, while a house was burning down in a small rural area in Pennsylvania, that you were in a pet shop in Malibu, purchasing a sweet kitten?
Buster: *Sigh* Yes, it's true. I named her Boots.
TNR: Is that because she has different colored paws?
Buster: No, her paws are the same. It's the rest of her that's colored different.
TNR: Haha... You're a delight.
Merry: I object!
TNR: Mr. Merry, you've already had your turn.
Merry: You call that a turn? You slammed me every step of the way. It's obvious that you're trying to sway the voters in Phil's favor. What do you have against us Ankylosauruses?
TNR: Well... To be honest, I guess I was overcompensating.
Merry: Pardon?
TNR: Ankylosaurus has always been my favorite dinosaur. I guess I worried that if I was too nice, people would realize that and think me an unfair moderator.
Merry: So I'm your favorite?
TNR: Dinosaur. I don't know anything about you on a personal level.
Merry: Carry on than.
TNR: Phil, do you have anything else to say about your cat?
Buster: Actually, I'm a little flummoxed after that bombshell you dropped. I'm not sure I even want to contiue with this supposedly impartial charade.
TNR: Fair enough. Thank you both for coming. Remember to have your pets spayed or neutered.
Bob Barker: You B*****D, that's my line!
So who will you choose? Voting ends next Monday at 11:59 pm. Then next Tuesday, only two will be left in the bid for the oval office. Who will it be in the Jurassic Classic? You decide. Seacrest out!
TNR: Fair enough. When you're not trying to legislate for the good of the world, what do you enjoy doing?
Merry: I run marathons for charity.
TNR: Really? That must be heavy under all that armor. Do you have any sponsors?
Merry: Under Armour.
TNR: I just mean your plating. Must be heavy. Now do you have any sponsors?
Merry: Under Armour...
TNR: Yes, we've covered that. The question was regarding sponsors.
Merry: Under Armour!
TNR: I don't what you're getting so defensive about. I didn't mean anything by the comment. Do you run with humans or other dinosaurs?
Merry: Other Ankylosaurus primarily. Across grasslands, as we're too wide to safely race down streets.
TNR: Sounds like a wonderful endeavor. And hey, hang in there, I'm sure you'll get a sponsor.
Merry: It's. Under. Armour. You idiot.
TNR: Yee-aaah... Someone who's willing to overlook that temper. Pry Merry, thank you for your time.
TNR: Mr. Phil A. Buster, it's a pleasure.
Buster: The pleasure's all yours.
TNR: Was that a joke or are you really not happy to be here?
Buster: Joke.
TNR: Ah. They warned me about that sense of humor of yours.
Buster: It's hard for me to turn it off. Here's one for you, how can you tell if a Stegosaurus is in your fridge?
TNR: How?
Buster: The fridge door won't close!
TNR: Haha, that's delightful.
Buster: One of a million I got.
TNR: Is comedy something you've considered if politics doesn't work out?
Buster: Yes. I actually spent some time with a comedy troop after college. We'd do all these great slapstick sketches. Critics started calling me Phil A. Buster Keaton.
TNR: That's just great. I do have to ask you a hard hitting question now, just to be be sure there's no prejudice.
Buster: My life is an open book.
TNR: Is it or isn't true that on May 13th, 2003, while a house was burning down in a small rural area in Pennsylvania, that you were in a pet shop in Malibu, purchasing a sweet kitten?
Buster: *Sigh* Yes, it's true. I named her Boots.
TNR: Is that because she has different colored paws?
Buster: No, her paws are the same. It's the rest of her that's colored different.
TNR: Haha... You're a delight.
Merry: I object!
TNR: Mr. Merry, you've already had your turn.
Merry: You call that a turn? You slammed me every step of the way. It's obvious that you're trying to sway the voters in Phil's favor. What do you have against us Ankylosauruses?
TNR: Well... To be honest, I guess I was overcompensating.
Merry: Pardon?
TNR: Ankylosaurus has always been my favorite dinosaur. I guess I worried that if I was too nice, people would realize that and think me an unfair moderator.
Merry: So I'm your favorite?
TNR: Dinosaur. I don't know anything about you on a personal level.
Merry: Carry on than.
TNR: Phil, do you have anything else to say about your cat?
Buster: Actually, I'm a little flummoxed after that bombshell you dropped. I'm not sure I even want to contiue with this supposedly impartial charade.
TNR: Fair enough. Thank you both for coming. Remember to have your pets spayed or neutered.
Bob Barker: You B*****D, that's my line!
So who will you choose? Voting ends next Monday at 11:59 pm. Then next Tuesday, only two will be left in the bid for the oval office. Who will it be in the Jurassic Classic? You decide. Seacrest out!
I feel like there's something fishy going on here and I don't think Buster is involved. He gets my vote.
ReplyDeleteBuster! I love a good comedian. And a cat!
ReplyDeleteGood ol' buster. Really enjoyed that line of "The pleasure is all yours." Going to have to remember that one.
ReplyDeleteMalibu kittens? Not melvin?
ReplyDeleteI also share a love for the Ankylosaurus, as our esteemed moderator does, and so Pry Merry will always be my first choice. One big fat vote for Anky.
ReplyDeleteBuster for me! I admit, that it's about the cat...
ReplyDeleteAlthough it's worrisome to be voting for someone with a walnut-sized brain (although one could argue that about every political candidate...) I too have to go with Phil A. Buster, for his feline love.
ReplyDeleteGo Boots!