I'm addicted to non-smoking. If I'm holding something like a pen while I'm concentrating, without even thinking about it, I begin fake puffing and fake blowing of imaginary smoke. Sometimes I'll do it even if I don't have something in my hand. And If I'm lost in a day dream... I'm practically a non-chain smoker.
Naturally, I suppose the general assumption would be that I still have the habit from when I used to be a smoker. Perfectly logical conclusion with one tiny problem: I've never smoked anything in my life. Couldn't, I'm actually allergic to smoke.
So where does this addiction come from?
After much consideration I have come to the conclusion that must be from candy cigarettes as a child. Though they may fly under the name of Popeye's candy sticks now, once upon when I was a kid, I bought candy cigarettes. I very much enjoyed playing with them (certainly wouldn't have gotten them for eating as they tasted horrible). Even back then I had no intention of ever smoking for real, just liked the action and look.
Moral of the story? I'm living proof that candy cigarettes don't turn children into smokers, they turn them into non-smokers. And just for the record, yes, before I started writing this post, I stubbed out my pen on a piece of paper. Maybe it's time I started on the non-patch?
haha. Take THAT Tobacco industry! Pretty funny though. addicted to non-smoking...so much better than the alternative
ReplyDeleteHilarious!
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't recommend chewing on the non-patch either.
LMAO!
ReplyDeleteI knew it! I could tell by not looking at you! I could also tell by the way you speak, with your raspy typing. You thought you'd hidden it from us all this time? Pfft. Your whole blog reeks of non-smoke every time I come here.
ReplyDelete*Cough* *Cough* Sorry...
DeleteThere are reasons you're an awesome blogger - and this is one of them.
ReplyDelete(Also fake-smoking is fun. Especially in the winter time.)
Thanks Brad! Winter is the best time to fake smoke a pipe if you ask me.
Deletethose things were horrible. If you need the feel of paying for cigarettes you can send me the money.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy to fake shoot-up heroin. I like that arm slapping part the best.
ReplyDeleteThat's good family fun right there. haha
DeleteI have exactly the same problem with spinach.
ReplyDeleteLol, that Popeye is responsible for so many problems.
DeleteOh, and be sure you stop by early tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteThank you good sir, that was a welcome surprise.
DeleteYou are the king of quirk. I'm addicted to non-smoking too, just not nearly as addicted as you. I don't fall into chain non-smoking, thankfully.
ReplyDeletexoRobyn
Self control has never been a strong point of mine. lol
DeleteLMAO! Oh my God yes, did those candy cigarettes taste terrible. My local Ben Franklin store used to sell them and all my friends loved them. Me? Blech!
ReplyDeleteHorrible taste. Like eating chalk. But they were fun, like wax lips.
DeleteHopped over to visit from Alex. I like your style.
ReplyDeleteThanks much. Stopped by your blog and I like your style too.
DeleteAlex sent me here and I'm glad he did. That is a hysterical post. I remember candy cigarettes. I'm a new follower.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the follow. I visited your site but don't have the proper linky thingies. But I'm following you on twitter so I'll be able to keep up to date.
DeleteI'd say like the back of a gummy bear and wear it as a patch - that will kill the sugar craving!
ReplyDeleteI have a few boxes of popeye's in my non-cigar humidor if that doesn't work
I'll give the patch a shot. Otherwise I might end up snorting pixie sticks. Again...
DeleteStopped by from Al's blog and got a few chortles. Thank you, good sir.
ReplyDeleteChecked out your blog earlier. Love the stories about your brother's air travel. Really cool. Thanks for the follow.
DeleteSo now that that this non smker has found his newer 15 minutes of fame and 300 followers, treat...I used to chew so deep into my pencils, the poor things suffered a 'half' break. Thanks for loving me... ;)
ReplyDeleteGosh I hope this isn't my 15 minutes. I need at least a half hour. lol
DeleteWhen I was a kid I found gag cigarettes that looked like smoke was actually coming out of them. I shared one with a neighbor, and her mom came out of the house in a panic! I also came over from Alex's and I'm glad I did! Julie
ReplyDeleteThat is awesome. Not the part about your friend getting in trouble. But the gag cigarettes. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteThose were so gross! I guess they wanted them like real smokes.
ReplyDeleteI'm an ex-smoker and miss it everyday.
Great post!
Heather
One would think the taste would be a deterrent where the idea of real smoking is concerned.
DeleteI remember those candy cigarettes. They made you feel cool! Glad you never really smoked.
ReplyDeleteVisting from Alex and am going to sign up to follow.
Thanks for the fun post!
Monti
They did make you feel cool. All one would need would be a leather jacket to complete the coolness. haha
DeleteThis really, really cracked me up! Love it! I'm a pretty heavy non-smoker, too. I am going to share this one. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Kelly. It's an addiction that deserves it's own group support I think.
DeleteRight at this very moment you are my hero. It may not last but just remember that every time you write something like this and make someone melancholic like me smile you become something of a savior.
ReplyDeleteThanks.
PS I also really enjoyed those candy cigarettes but never was afflicted with the addiction of blowing fake smoke.
lol I think that's the equivalent of not inhaling.
DeleteFunny. I remember those. I like how you said they turned you into a non-smoker. Thanks to Alex, I'm here enjoying that image of you not smoking your pen.
ReplyDeletePlay off the Page
My sisters and I used to do that all the time. Thankfully it never encouraged me to smoke either. Though I think we found some better tasting candy cigarettes.
ReplyDeleteYou had good tasting ones? I didn't think those existed. lol
DeleteFun post!! I am completely with you.
ReplyDeleteSee? That's what I'm talking about! You are a genius! This was hilarious! Is this going to be a new series? Hope so!
ReplyDeleteThanks Pat. I'm considering making it into a series. I have some other odd addictions. haha
Delete