Battle of the Landscapes – The Finals

Da da da da! That doesn’t translate into print very well, does it? It’s supposed to be the sound of something great happening, like when a superhero arrives on the scene. In this case however, it is meant to usher in (with great magnificence) the Final Round of this month-long Battle of the Landscapes! Da da da da!

Let’s get to know the contestants…

Born in humble beginnings, Mountain was told he would never amount to anything. “You’re just a foothill,” they said, “No one can even ski on you.” But he refused to give up. He pushed, and shoved, and kicked, and crushed, throwing tectonic plates (and other dishware) together until he could no longer be ignored by people who wanted to see the horizon. Sunsets were blocked, roads were diverted, and planes were forced to either fly higher or crash (with the added option of passengers eating each other if they so desired). And now, in his greatest achievement of all, he has made it to the final round of a battle on The Non-Review. I give you…

Born out of neglect, Woods found his beginnings when a guy got lazy and stopped mowing his grass. At first, no one was impressed. (A field of weeds does not garner much praise.) Soon, though, saplings began to appear, which people still didn’t care about, but when his saplings quickly grew into trees and people started getting lost, and Blair Witches began scaring the bahookie out of people, his fame grew. Soon he became very well known and loved, and eventually reached the pinnacle of his celebrity status by making it to the finals of a landscape battle. I give you…

We now give to you, the reader, the most revered and enviable of tasks. That being, to pick a winner, and crown either Woods or Mountains as The Greatest Landscape. Vote by leaving a comment. On Saturday I shall announce the winner, to the thunderous applause and celebration of all … the, uh, people that … those who read … uh, well, you guys. It’ll still be exciting, and whoever picks the winning landscape will win a free trip to middle of next week. Good luck!