The award for Best Music of the Evening goes to…
The piano notes that were played to kick people off stage. Truly inspiring, and greatly appreciated.
The Best Clapper award goes to…
Annette Benning, for her uncanny resemblance to a seal.
The award for Most Dressed goes to…
The hostess Anne Hathaway. I didn’t count the exact number, but she must have changed outfits like 240 times.
The movie that did the best job of letting other movies win…
True Grit. It felt like the thing was nominated in every category. Good at everything, great at nothing.
Winner of The Best Tuxedo is…
Guy in the 8th row, four seats to the left. It was such a nice shade of black.
The award for Cleanest Head goes to…
Geoffrey Rush. If he hadn’t been wearing glasses, we might not have even known it was a head.
The Most Annoying Thing award goes to…
Those stupid envelopes that every presenter fought with every time, just to tell us the winner. Seriously, who designed those?
The Special Appearance award goes to…
President Obama, for taking time out of his low approval rating to tell us that he likes the song “As Time Goes By.”
Winner of the Most Purple Dress is…
Natalie Portman. It was a really, really purple dress.
The award for Best Sounding Movie Title goes to…
Na Wewe (pronounced Nah-Wee-Wee)
And that does it for this year’s Academy Awards Awards. Thank you to the entire production staff, the lighting guys, and all those who believed in me when others were saying, “Giving awards to awards is stupid.” This is for all of you.
Posted by Reputation@Stake from A Link And A Smile
She kind of did resemble a seal didn't she?
ReplyDeleteAnd (insert drum roll) the Award for Best Awarding Award blog goes to ( ok here is where the drum roll should have been.. ) ....THE NON-REVIEW !!
ReplyDeleteAr ar...a seal..*snort*. This as I sign my girls up for Sea World camp.
ReplyDeleteIt was a really, really purple dress, but she looked pretty, if a bit grape-like. Preggers gets a pass.
I didn't watch it.
ReplyDeleteDidn't watch, but found your non-review to be very funny! Laughed out loud at the tuxedo and president comments!!!
ReplyDeleteThose were great! Yeah, True Grit was a trooper...
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it also got at least a nomination for most boring Oscars ever...
ReplyDeleteYour post was MUCH more interesing and funny than the actual show! thanks!
Great idea! True Grit got shafted and Portman's dress WAS really purple!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThe award for Worst Host in History of the Academy Awards is...
ReplyDeleteJames Franco. Thanks, James. We all thought the Oscars hired some pretty bad writers, too.
The Award for Being Scared in Front of a Huge Audience goes to...
Jennifer Hudson--I feel bad for her, though. I'd be super nervous presenting, too.
Truly brilliant.
ReplyDeletegot everything spot on there, good job
ReplyDeleteI gave it the award for "the Most Unwatched By Suciô Event" - for the n-th consecutive year.
ReplyDelete