7 Word Weekend Movie Review: Justin Bieber, Gnomeo and Juliet, and I propose we lock Adam Sandler away.

New Movie Releases Reviewed in 7 Words Each

Cedar Rapids (limited) - I love a film filled with maybes. 

The Eagle - Will it soar or be a turkey?

Gnomeo & Juliet - Against my better judgement, I'll watch it.

In Her Skin (limited) - Guy Pearce, in a crime film? Shocker...

Just Go With It - I'm this close to boycotting movie making. 

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never - That's it, forget 7 words. If anyone needs me I'll be out back.

I guess it's some sort of maturing. Used to be if I saw a sword in a trailer, that was a movie I'd want to see. Now when I see a preview for something like The Eagle, my first thought is how boring it looks. Sure I still want to see a guy cleft in twain, but I want there to be a reason for it happening. I've heard some positive things about the film and it is directed by Kevin Macdonald (Last King of Scotland, State of Play) but I just can't get excited for it.

I guess it's some sort of lack of maturity. I know it can't possibly be as good as it looks but when I heard that gnome singing about coconuts on the commercial, I was sold. The cast is interesting to say the least. A film that ranges from Michael Caine to Hulk Hogan must be doing something right. Music by Elton John... well that could go either way. Frankly, I think if Shakespeare were alive to see garden gnomes performing a variation of his classic work, he would realize that this is what it was always destined to be.

I'm not a teenage girl, so the whole Bieber phenom doesn't do anything for me, and that's putting it mildly. I've never been much into pop music (unless we're talking about the song Pop Muzik by M. That's just good cheesy fun there). Which (since I really have nothing to say about a film I hope somehow catches fire in every theater, sparing the minds of youth everywhere) is sort of a weak segue into record clubs. I was revisiting 3rd Rock From The Sun the other day (it's streaming on Netflix, seemed like a good thing to do) and during one episode Harry was dealing with a CD club, and I realized suddenly how newer generations will never know the love/hate of record clubs. The pain in the butt stamps... the having to cancel before they start sending you crap... the getting friends to do it so you can get an extra few free yourself. All good stuff. 

There's a film opening in limited release this week called Orgasm Inc. Apparently it's a documentary of some sort about some serious issues or other. I just thought the name was funny (ok, another lack of maturity) and thought I'd share.

A new Adam Sandler movie is also out this weekend. I have this feeling that if you were to lock him in a room for a thousand years and then release him, he'd still make the exact same movie. Course this is an experiment I'm more than willing to try. 

My head hurts like a... it hurts too much for a metaphors, so short post this week. Have a great weekend everyone!