Non-Review: Skyline - Reviewed by H. G. Wells

So there I was resting comfortably on my laurels, which is something we used to rest on back in the day, when a group of men showed up to my sea. Yes that's right, MY sea. When you're cremated and have your ashes scattered over a body of water your ghost then haunts, you're more than welcome to lay claim to it.  Anyways, they came inquiring as to whether I would be interested in seeing an early screening of some film.

I was all, "dudes, you know I'm dead right?"

They were all, "yeah, so?"

To which I had no answer. So away I went with a group of strangers. I figured what was the worst that could happen? I did have to insist that a tub of water be carried to the screening. There are rules about haunting you know. The guy who held the bucket was a good sport about it, though you could tell he was clearly uncomfortable with the situation. I'm not sure if it was the fact that I'm a ghost, a man, or that the water kept slooshing all over him. Whatever the case when we arrived he quickly handed the bucket over to one of the other guys.

Into the the theater I was carried. Things have really changed since the last time I was in a theater, close to how I envisioned the future. Seriously, people, I told you this is how the future would be!

Excited as I was I had to settle down. The people who had brought me wanted my opinion of the film. So I sat through it, quietly. Special effects are way better than when I was alive, let me tell you. Everything on screen looked like it was really happening. I was half tempted to go outside and make sure it wasn't actually unfolding. Now, you may not be aware of this, but I have written about extraterrestrials myself, and this was right up my alley. In fact, parts of it seemed like I might have written it. Though it was different enough for me to enjoy it with an outside perspective. Plus it had the dude from Dexter and the dude from Scrubs. I like them both.

After the film I relayed my thoughts to the people who had brought me. They thanked me me nicely. I had expected to be driven home after that, but the blastards just flushed me down the toilet. Which led to a river and eventually carried me back out to my sea, but even so, that is no way to treat a person.

Nevertheless I do endorse this movie as a fun and scary ride. They just better not come a knocking on my sea when the sequel comes out or they'll find themselves the ones being flushed!

4 out 5