The 7 Word Weekend Movie Review: Resident Evil, Crazy Joaquin, and Martin Landau is a zombie

New Movies Releases Reviewed in 7 Words Each

I'm Still Here (limited) - Does anyone think Joaquin was really crazy?

Lovely, Still (limited) - Martin Landau is never going to die.

Resident Evil: Afterlife - This series is a metaphor for itself.

The Romantics (limited) - Who cares? Wake me when it's fall.

With apologies to Kal and those who love the Resident Evil series, I can't stand them. I find them bland and boring. For me to enjoy a zombie story it needs to be well written and not just flash and style. It doesn't help matters that I think Paul W.S. Anderson is a bad director and an even worse writer. I'm also not a great fan of Milla Jovovich. I've watched three of the movies, the first because I liked the games, the others because of... well, others. I have no more interest in a series that should have stayed dead. 

Yes, a zombie joke. Speaking of which... (oh I can hear the hatred for this segue).

I honestly thought Martin Landau was dead. In the past year I've watched older movies with him in them and remarked how great of an actor he was when he was alive. Others in turn have made similar comments! Nevertheless, I'm glad to see he's still kicking, and from a quick look at his credits, about to put out another thousand films. As for Lovely, Still... it's actually been around awhile, doing various film festivals for a couple years. It looks like a sweet film and from what I've heard should be good.

So Casey Affleck keeps trying to assert that his Joaquin Phoenix documentary is not a farce and that everything in it is real. I just find it hard to believe on so many, many levels. I guess I won't truly be able to judge until I've seen it, which I intend to when it hits video. I suppose that's the mark of good marketing. The craziness of Joaquin has sold a movie about the craziness of Joaquin. It's like an Escher painting only instead of crazy staircases it's just crazy.

So I watched Diary of a Wimpy Kid this past weekend. The movie is written from the perspective of a kid who's entering sixth grade. He's got a bully for a brother, a... (I have no idea really how to describe it) friend of sorts (if you've seen Bad Santa, picture the kid in that) and an abnormally annoying set of parents. Let's start with the pluses, kids will probably love it because it's based on a series of comic books that swept through scholastic like a whirl wind. There are a couple of funny moments. A few giggles if you will.

End of good.

Mostly though I spent the duration of the running time wanting to punch whoever was on screen. With the exception of Chloe Moretz (Hit Girl from Kick-Ass) who was there for no apparent reason other than to enter a few scenes and exit again. The film is poorly directed, and doesn't feel that more fleshed out then a comic strip. The ending though is the worst as the inevitable moment where the main character is supposed to have his breakthrough and change for the better doesn't make any sense. He hasn't actually learned anything from his mistakes. There is no awakening, he just suddenly decides for no real reason, to change for the better. If you have kids they may want to see it, but I personally wouldn't recommend it. There are much more intelligent kid's films out there. 4 out of 10 

Have a great weekend everyone!