The 7 Word Weekend Movie Review: The Switch, Vampires Suck, and Piranha 3D will bite.

New Movie Releases Reviewed in 7 Words Each

Vampires Suck - But not as hard as this movie.

Lottery Ticket - No amount of money is worth this.

Mao's Last Dancer (limited) - Based on the bestselling autobiography of zzz...

Nanny McPhee Returns - Yes but the question still remains: why?

Piranha 3D -  Actually, I'm pretty psyched for this one.

The Switch - This movie makes me hate the world.

What If... (limited) - Kevin Sorbo? Ahhh-ha ha ha ha ha!

Okay so maybe 'hate' is a little harsh. I don't know what it is, maybe I'm just Bateman'd out. Maybe my tolerance for Jennifer Aniston has just hit a new low. Perhaps it's how abysmal the ads have looked. Whatever the reasons, The Switch seems as palatable to me as eating a box of uncooked macaroni. *shudder* visions of Sunday school crafts just danced in my head.

Piranha 3D is going to be bad. It's like an unwritten law. However those of us who love monster movies know that's part of the charm. Ever seen The Giant Gila Monster? Horrible, horrible film. I absolutely loved it. If you can't appreciate a bad movie every now and then, I don't know what to tell you. Let me give you a few reasons though why Piranha will be fun. Christopher Lloyd, Richard Dreyfus, Elisabeth Shue, Jerry O'Connell, Ving Rhames... with an "all star" cast like that, how could it possibly disappoint? 

Vampires Suck. The other side of bad movies. The kind that aren't meant to be enjoyed. I honestly have no idea why these movies succeed. It must be on a bet or something. Hey, I bet you can't sit through the whole movie. Oh yeah? Well I bet you can't either. Then it's agreed, we'll see it together. How else do you explain the fact that these types of movies continue to make money? For the love of ottomans people, if you're going to dare each other into seeing things, why can't it be something good for a change?

Don't mind me, I'm still upset that Scott Pilgrim vs The World, a movie that I gave a perfect 10, completely bombed. I can understand it losing out to The Expendables (Male escapism\closet homosexuality) and even to Eat Pray Love (Female Escapism\Julia Roberts fetishism) but for it to finish up in 5th place? Judging from the fact that so many people I've run into have seemed to know nothing about it, I'm guessing that Scott Pilgrim must have had it's marketing screwed up. Well, I'm sure it'll become a cult classic if nothing else. 

If you're sitting in this weekend, might I suggest a movie that's been out for a few years? Sky High maybe a kid's movie, but it's one of those underrated gems that really holds a guilty pleasure place with me. In short, it's about teenagers with superpowers who attend a school that'll teach them to use them properly. Any film that features the likes of Dave Foley, Kevin McDonald and Bruce Campbell in the roles of superhero teachers has to be doing something right. It's cheesy in a lot of ways, but it's also good clean fun. 7 out of 10

That's it for me this week. Have a great weekend everyone.