Non-Review: Toy Story 3 - as reviewed by Andy

I'm sure everyone remembers the first two films. Seems like the whole US fell in love with a cowboy and a spaceman. Sympathy was with these beloved characters and their misfortunes. But what about the kid? What about how Andy was portrayed? Shown to be an idiot, a joke, a sissy...

So the kid tired of his toys and wanted new ones. Is that really such a crime? Have you ever played with a pullstring toy? The novelty wears thin pretty quickly, believe me. But no one seemed to care about that in the last two films. So it's not surprising to find that in the new film, Andy is once again vilified.

His crime in this film is getting older and moving away; putting away the things of childhood in favor of growing up and becoming a responsible and productive member of society. He's also apparently too thick to realize the value of the toys he's done playing with, as they get donated to a bunch of sticky, destructive children. Quickly forgotten by the cold hearted monster who doesn't have time for dolls anymore.

But look! It seems the toys aren't going to put up with it. Good for the toys. Maybe they can get out into the world and find someone to love them again. Because the love of a child is fleeting, but something they desperately need. Instead of focusing on Andy, abandoning them, maybe we should be focusing on the low self esteem of these toys, that constantly seek the approval of others. It's beyond sad.

Then there's the whole bit with Buzz being reprogrammed. Hey everyone, he's speaking Spanish, because that's how electronics work.

Shame. Shame on Pixar for allowing this kind of monstrosity to be put forth. Shame on our society for placing such value upon possessions, that we make movies showcasing them litterally possessing us. And hooray for this brave soul Andy for moving on with his life.

-1 out of 10