Due to unforeseen circumstances involving a rocking chair and Mrs. McNullty's poor judgment while imbibing, Mr. Fluffers, will no longer be writing for the advice column. Our apologies for the inconvenience.Dear... I've lost track, shark maybe,
My boyfriend and I have been going through a rough patch in our relationship ever since he moved in. I'm trying to save for a new car and he's always blowing cash on stupid video games and smoked sausages. Seriously, last month he spent $230 on sausage. I think he may be an addict. I try to talk to him about it, but he just ignores me. Should I give up on our relationship or is there something I can do to save it?
Sincerely,
Smoked out in Cincinnati
Dear Smoked,
I understand your situation perfectly. It reminds me of the week my friend Cow and I stopped talking to each other. I had just gotten back from a trip to Denver -business- and I arrived to find that Cow had eaten three members of my family. Needless to say I was somewhat incensed over the issue. Worst of all, Cow refused to acknowledge that what she had done was wrong. I thought for sure it was the end of our relationship. Luckily, it wasn't.
I hope that helps.
Sincerely,
Marty Moth
This dynamic happens a lot in my relationships, but some of them are just so tasty--I can't help myself.
ReplyDeleteWell....duh!!! I'd be ticked, too!!! Least her boyfriend could do is buy her some tasty venison sausages when he buys his smoked ones.
ReplyDeleteSome things are just dealbreakers and some things are not. Simple as that.
ReplyDeleteOh Marty, you sacrificed your self respect...and for what? A murderous glutton who doesn't even have the decency to say "sorry"?
ReplyDeleteSmoked, run while you can! Or demand a 50/50 sausage split. At least then you'd be able to keep up your energy as you work toward your new car.
(You are loony, and I love it)
Surely it is a different Cow that you speak of? I just cannot reconcile the two. Are you confused as much as I am?
ReplyDeleteThen my work here is done.
Carry on.
I think Smoked should get a second opinion. Is there a fly on that cow anywhere?
ReplyDelete(This post is such an insane non-sequitur, that if it wasn't so funny, I'd question your sanity. Never mind, I'm going to question your sanity anyway. But don't stop writing.)
I do like smoked sausage, but $230 worth?
ReplyDeleteAsk a moth riding a cow? I was already laughing when I saw the title...
ReplyDeleteWho needs a car when you have Grand Theft Auto and smoked sausage?
ReplyDelete