The Back Page (non-obits)

Bud "Honey" Bear

2009 - 2010

Tragedy struck this past Wednesday when the beloved Honey Bear passed away. Just five months old, Honey managed to add a little sweetness to every life he touched. Born in Canada, he made the long trek down to the US where he lived briefly in a store before being adopted by a family. His favorite pastimes included drinking tea, eating peanut butter, buttering biscuits and playing tennis. He is survived by Stevia.

Player 1 Dog from Duck Hunt

1984 - 2010

Fans of the game Duck Hunt will be disheartened to learn that the Player 1 Dog is dead. Early Sunday morning gunshots were heard from his studio apartment. It was revealed that he had shot a close friend and then turned the Nintendo gun on himself. In a letter, he expressed his deep feelings of guilt for all the ducks he helped flush out. Never married, he is survived by his father and brother.

Player 2 Dog from Duck Hunt

1984 - 2010

Fans of the game Duck Hunt will be disheartened to learn that the Player 2 Dog is dead. Early Sunday morning gunshots were heard from his friend's apartment. It was later revealed that he was shot by Player 1 Dog in a murder suicide. Many may recall that in his latter years, Player 2 Dog had done a lot of charity work for victims of hunting accidents. He is survived by a wife and 6 pups.

Non-Death

Brett Favre

1969 - 

After a pounding season that saw him down on the ground repeatedly, Brett Favre has survived to live another day. Pundits have repeatedly made it clear that Favre is too old for football\breathing. In response Favre announced today that to prove them all wrong he will "never die," and if he so chooses he will "continue playing football well into his 90's." Awesomeness could not be reached for comment as it hung its hat on him years ago.