Dear Ollie,
My dad is always pressuring me to choose the same college he attended. My dad attended Harvard; my grandpa attended Harvard, and his father attended as well. I've got the grades and all, but I've always dreamed of attending a community college and staying at home. I've got a sweet setup here.
How do I get him off my back?
Sincerely,
College Bound in Minnesota
P. S. Any word on what happened to Earl?
Dear College Bound,
My father always pressured me to go to a certain school of fish, but I was never interested. I loved studying conflict resolution and liberal arts. I had no intention of just blindly eating innocent fish. So one day I went for a swim with my father and told him everything. He was upset and actually tried to eat me for a few minutes, but then he calmed down and accepted that I was just different.
I suggest maybe trying the same tactic with your dad. And if that doesn't work, why not bring him and the rest of the family to the ocean? I find my troubles and thoughts tend to disappear when I'm looking closely into the lapping waves.
Oh, and I'm sorry to say, no word yet on Earl other than a few feathers found floating off the coast of Nova Scotia.
Until next week my friends.
As much as I hate to see an cephalopod aquire additional skillls that can be used for evil against my people or evil I would reccommend joining some aquarium program were they teach you to crawn through tubes and boxes while dropping off explosives. Perhaps after such training you may become a valuable memember of our team, that is if you have no problems taking out your own kind would will hate you from nom on anyways.
ReplyDeleteAre you actually warming to an octopus?
ReplyDeleteNEVER...the only joy I will feel will be to see it turn on its own kind and slaughter a village of three. Then I will know that my plan is complete. When he lookes at me with those big tearfilled and eyes and says "But TS said you killed my father!" And I can can reply - "NO squidy, I am you fathe!!!" (cue music here)
ReplyDelete