Non-Review: The Book of Eli

Thomas: Hello and welcome to another edition of The Shrunken Head Review. This week we are reviewing the new Denzel Washington movie "The Book of Eli."

Smith: Indeed.

Thomas: So what did you guys think of the film? I was honestly quite surprised by it.

Smith: When was the last time anyone was surprised by Denzel Washington?

Thomas: What?

Smith: Has he ever turned in a performance that wasn't the same carbon copy he's delivered in every other movie he's been in?

Thomas: Denzel Washington is a great actor. I've enjoyed him in many excellent movies.

Smith: Didn't say I didn't enjoy him from time to time. Anytime I'm in the mood for a Denzel flick, I'm more than happy to choose a random title and pop it in.

Thomas: He is not a one note actor.

Smith: I know, I'm exaggerating. Actually, you know who he reminded me of in The Book of Eli? That one guy in the Russell Crowe movie where the computer criminal escapes into our world.

Thomas: Virtuosity? Wait, that was Denzel!

Smith: Oh right... well I was also reminded of that one remake of a Cary Grant movie. The one with Whitney Houston.

Thomas: The Bishop's Wife, which starred Denzel Washington. I'm done talking to you. Jeffrey, save me from this nightmare. What did you think of the movie?

Jeffrey: Very enjoyable. I loved every second of it. The way Denzel was a principled man, stern but with a heart for people, often pissed off, but in a fatherly way.

Thomas: couldn't agree more. You summed his role up perfectly.

Jeffrey: Actually I couldn't make it to the screening. I was just describing his role in Remember the Titans. I just figured no one would notice.

Smith: I didn't.

Thomas: I hate you both. I liked it better when you two were always trying to kill each other.

Smith: It's more fun this way.

Jeffrey: We can't kill each other, we're already dead. Shrunken heads...

Thomas: Critics first, then undead. Now, could we maybe actually talk about the movie for a change?

Smith: Sure.

Jeffrey: Absolutely.

Thomas: Thank you. What were your thoughts on the MacGuffin of the film?

Smith: The book? It was... I dunno. I kind of felt let down. The way the ads let on I felt like it would be more mysterious and cool.

Thomas: Actually they pretty much showed it in the trailers.

Smith: I know, but I mean where was the huge build up for it? It was what it was, and everyone wanted it. Whoopie.

Thomas: How about Gary Oldman's performance?

Jeffrey: Always brilliant, as was Mila Kunis.

Smith: I'm sure you thought she was brilliant. After the movie you kept mumbling something about the apocalypse being "worth it."

Thomas: Jeffrey?

Jeffrey: No comment. Strike that, I'll go ahead and go on record as saying, yeah, totally worth the apocalypse if it comes equipped with a Kunis.

Thomas: Yes, well, thanks for that. What'd you think of the story?

Smith: Well written, though very average plot. Had a lot of run of the mill elements. But very watchable.

Jeffrey: I agree. It was decent writing, but there was just something overly familiar about it.

Thomas: Anything specifically that you felt had already been do- oh lord I've walked into this one.

Smith: I really felt the Denzel Washington part had already been done before.

Jeffrey: Yes, in every other Denzel film.

Thomas: And on that note we'll close. Personally I thought the film was an excellent way to kill a couple hours. Denzel was brilliant as the hero, protecting the holy book. Gary Oldman was fantastic in a role that might have been played with a cheesy over the top style by a lesser actor. While there were certainly elements that have been seen before, it still seemed a refreshing change from the "holy man is really a psycho" genre that has plagued movies the past decade. If you're looking for a good way to spend a dozen bucks without resorting to Avatar again, this is the movie for you. Any last thoughts guys?

Smith: You remember the movie Malcom X?

Jeffrey: I think so. Wasn't that the movie with the guy from Deja Vu?

Smith: Certainly felt like it.

Jeffrey: Zing.