In Depth: Alien Death Ray vs Earth Imploding

VS

Alien Death Ray

Pros:

• Pretty lights
• Extremely painful, but at least it lasts a long time
• Hot
• Better than being slaves
• Some strange alien won't go through my stuff
• Won't turn into black hole
• You see it coming
• Finally have proof aliens exist

Cons:

• Alien
• Death
• Ray
• You see it coming
• Not being taken as alien sex slave (snoo snoo!)
• Red like communism
• Hot
• It blows

Earth Imploding

Pros:

• You won't see it coming
• Always wanted to be inside out
• Great way to lose weight
• Won't mess up universe (not littering)
• It'll be dark
• Not an alien death ray
• Cold

Cons:

• Earth. Imploding
• How do you spell *fwthhhwwttt*?
• Never wanted to be literally inside out
• It'll be dark
• You won't see it coming
• Cold
• No more tacos
• No more Mel Tillis 
• Nowhere to put your hat
• It sucks

It seems pretty clear from the way it stacks up that the winner is the alien death ray. Ultimately one can't find as many nice things to say about your planet disappearing into a gaping void. And since with an alien death ray earth will continue on, you can take comfort in that. Sucks to you earth implosion.

Thanks to my brother for helping out.